Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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