saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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