if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
