if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
