Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
