i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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