Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
