Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
