When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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