I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
