I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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