She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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