I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
