And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
