Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
