I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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