The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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