So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
