Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
