i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
this is an emotional support booty call
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
