i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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