He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
