that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
