So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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