I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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