Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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