I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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