Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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