The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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