i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
