dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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