I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
