Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just pee around me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
