this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
