I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
