we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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