Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
