They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
