we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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