What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
