East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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