fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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