Small penises have feelings too.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
