Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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