apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
