sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
