her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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