She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
