dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
