i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
worst night to have a conscience
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can't turn off my feet"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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