Don't you send me to vm
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
